Everything Changes
by Pampermousse
Summary: Chlex Angst - Set in the immediate future - May have some plot spoilers for future episodes
1. Default Chapter

She didn't know how this had happened. She tries to think back to this time last year and think where she was. _Feel _where she was. She can't seem to _feel _how she was back then. Only now, always now.  
  
All she could do was think back to when _this _started. Whatever this _is._  
  
It had started with her testifying against Lionel Luthor. No. It had started with her involvement with Lionel Luthor. Through Lionel Luthor she had come to the attention of the son. In her moment of weakness she had allied herself, however briefly/reluctantly and with the best intentions with Lionel. That had sealed more than her fate.   
  
Lex had felt some sort of responsibility to her after she testified.   
  
Before the trial, before everything, Clark had come to her saying that Lex was getting in a panic at not having enough information to give the feds to convict Lionel. At that time she had told no-one of the erased confession. She remembered entering the manor, the first time since Lex's confession to her whilst under the truth spell. He had stood up and walked round to greet her. Again holding her arms. A gesture that seemed to be on its way to becoming a habit.   
  
She knew that she was doing the right thing by coming to Lex with this information yet she also knew that this dangerous game she was playing was reaching another level. She had told him calmly of Lionel's confession to her and its subsequent erasure. She remembered being quietly touched that he had suggested that she think carefully about what she wanted to do. To testify or not to testify, she thought with amusement now. She had already made up her mind before stepping into the manor. Clark had applied not too subtle pressure on her telling her in not so many words that she was Lex's only hope. However there was a part of her, a real big part of her that was itching to give it to Lionel and give it to him good.  
  
She walked over to her desk from her bedroom window and took a sip of the flat coke that was sitting there. Looking over to the figure sleeping in her bed she felt a shiver pass through her. A premonition. A warning. She was worried for him. She was worried for herself. The comfort and solace and maybe more of the past few hours slowly dissipating into a feeling of things to come.   
  
She remembered the expected exhilaration of testifying in front of everyone on what a truly heartless bastard Lionel was turning into regret that she had to do this in front of Lex. That however tightly fixed his mask was, he was still a son sending his father down. He was still a son listening to the misdeeds of his father. And she was doing the telling of the greatest one. Lionel killing his parents. The look of something, not fear, in Lex's eyes. She knew now what he must have been thinking. Are we doomed to repeat the sins of our fathers? At the time she was nervous and nauseous and wanted the whole thing to be over. Recently she had had the luxury of time. Endless time to think about what had happened. 

  
Stepping off the stand she had been sick with fear. She had looked at Lionel and had been in no doubt that if he was given the opportunity he would gladly kill her with is own hands. She looked briefly at Lex before walking out. They exchanged an invisible nod of understanding. She had joined her father and gone home. Leaving the Luthors to their madness.

 She had felt none of the release that others talk about with getting things out in the open. The truth did not set her free, rather bound her up in its complex web and she felt no more safe than she did before testifying. She was sure Lionel would extract his revenge somehow. She was in constant fear for her father.   
  
Sitting at the desk her mind went back to a couple of hours ago. It wasn't a pity fuck. She was sure of it. She had noticed the signs for a couple of weeks now. They had been getting closer through some informal investigating she was doing for him. Yet, the last 24 hours had thrown everything into sharp focus and Lionel's death had brought them together. In more ways than one.   
  
A few weeks after the trial she had gotten a call from Lex asking her to come to the manor. She was bored and curious. Bored sitting at home and curious to see Lex again. After Lionel had been sent down for life he had become a little reclusive. Only really meeting with Clark and Lana. She had seen him a couple of times at the Talon but had exited when he had entered. There was something about Lex since the trial that raised the hairs on her neck. In a good and a bad way. She had long ago admitted to the fact that he was gorgeous but no amount of eye candy could compensate for a messed up head. And his head was seriously messed up. That was the good way. The bad way was a feeling that he was slowly closing himself off from everything and everywhere and that that way lay only pain and misery. She had thought she was being melodramatic but after the last few hours she wondered whether she hadn't been dramatic enough.  
  
Whilst in her voluntary exile at home after the trial she had started looking into Morgan Edge. It was mainly for her own amusement and she didn't seriously expect to find anything. After Lionel's incarceration she needed another resident evil to focus her attention on. Morgan Edge was suitably evil and suitably unattainable. No chance of having to testify to send him down. She could go back to being the 17 year old high school reporter that she had been before all this had happened.   
  
Walking into Lex's place after her summoning from him she had felt none of the unease that had characterised her previous visits. The benefits of Lionel Luthor being locked away just kept coming and coming. She remembered having a feeling in the pit of her stomach, a feeling she couldn't place at the time but which she now recognised to be the first stirrings of desire. She had walked into his office and started snarking on him confidently. He had seemed appreciative of the effort she was making in returning their acquaintance to one of casual sniping and idle threats instead of the one it had become of subterfuge, strategies and courtroom testimonies. She couldn't remember exactly what it was that she had said, but she was sure it was brilliantly funny.   
  
He had offered her the opportunity of making her research into Morgan Edge more official than the current rolling out of bed, sitting in her pajamas and surfing the web she had been doing recently. It was as unofficial as an official agreement could get. He just wanted to know anything interesting that she found out. No pressure. And she believed him. Even then, she was worried about what this could mean. There was only one reason for his renewed interest in Morgan Edge and vengeance was thy name. She felt that Lex had enough vengeance in his life to fill an epic poem. She didn't want to give him ammunition for more. Yet she agreed. She wanted to have some continued contact with him. They way Lionel had subtly terrorised her, especially when he knew she would be testifying, Lex was the only one who could understand.   
  
So they had developed a tentative friendship/alliance. It was professional save for the usual banter which seemed to have been toned down since the trial. It was difficult to be flippant after everything. Especially now. Everything seemed to be just a little more sombre. Even with Clark and Lana. She yearned for the dramas of a few years ago, for the love triangle, for anything. Instead they had all grown up so quickly. Clark and Lex's friendship was still secure but slowly straining. She could see this where they could not, would not. Both were quietly retreating into their shells. Lana, after her failed trip to Paris was straining at the leash. She and Clark were tentatively together but it was fragile. Everything was so fragile. She was still her same old self on the outside and most of the inside, but the trial had taken its toll. That and the constant fear. Where she had never been afraid she was afraid always.  
  
This arrangement between herself and Lex went on in much the same way for a couple of months and she did indeed find the odd gem in the volume of dross she sifted through. Yet she came to see the arrangement as a front. As a way for her and Lex to maintain the contact they both needed. He never spoke of Lionel but she was sure he thought about him always. 

She remembered word for word the first time they kissed, it was after the first and only time he visited Lionel in prison.  
  
_She was sitting in front of the TV debating whether to buy the tapes of an inspirational speaker. "Change your life in 7 days". Tempting. Rolling along the floor towards the ice cream she heard the doorbell. Looking down at her "attire" of yellow pajamas and just got out of bed and not in the good way hair she hesitated for a second before going towards the door. When it came down to it, at this moment in time, she really didn't give a shit.  
  
Lex peered in at her as she opened the door. "Control yourself there Lex, with so much beauty in front of you, you may lose yourself." Self deprecation was good, she thought.  
  
Lex merely raised an eyebrow and walked in. "Any new info on Morgan?"  
  
Chloe looked at him__ sceptically__, "You paid me a house call to ask me that?"   
  
"Yes. I haven't said anything Chloe but you've been kind of slack with information over the past few weeks. More effort may be in order."  
  
"What's really going on?" Chloe replied pissed. "You know as well as I know that if I'm finding it difficult to find anything it's because there is very little to be found."   
  
Lex looked at her for a long moment before sitting down. His shoulders slumped slightly. Chloe, concerned now, sat beside him. She could see him weigh up his options. After a while he started;   
  
"I saw my father today. He just pushed all my buttons I guess." Lex looked over to her. Chloe tried to keep the surprise from her face.   
  
"You really are a glutton for punishment aren't you?" she said not unkindly.   
  
Lex smirked but then went quiet again. "Did he seem to have reined in any of his homicidal tendencies?" she asked only half joking. Lex knew of her fear of what Lionel could do to her and her father. He shook his head silently. They sat there silently for awhile before Chloe got up and put a video in the player.   
  
At Lex's questioning look she clarified, "It's the Fabulous Baker Boys. Its one of my__ favourites__. Let's just forget about slightly below par fathers and ominous death threats and lose ourselves in easy listening jazz and Jeff Bridges. Or Michelle Pfeiffer in your case."  
  
"I find jazz a little dangerous" Lex said softly.  
  
"Me too." Chloe replied understanding him completely, "but in a nice way."  
  
It was the watching in silence that did it. Watching the Fabulous Baker Boys in silence with a friend/acquaintance/tortured gorgeous man is a bad thing. She felt herself relaxing more and more and she could see that even Lex had chilled out a bit. The easy jazz was wafting over her, it was getting dark outside, the piano scene had come and gone, and she reached over him to grab at the controls. She got a little too close, invading a little too much personal space. They were both a little tired, not fully lucid. All of this was true. She was also feeling an attraction to him that was startling her and he was vulnerable otherwise she was sure that nothing would have happened. He gently touched her hair all the time looking at her lips. She could feel her lids becoming heavy and then there was just softness.   
  
A little while later.   
  
Drawing back she looked at him. A split second of honest emotion before they both got up. Chloe spoke first, sparing Lex the need to do so.  
  
  
_

_"Don't look so worried Lex. It's dark outside, there's **jazz** playing. It doesn't mean anything. A moment of weakness. I get it. I feel the same way." She paused, "Please don't look so worried."_  
  
_Lex looked at her, his face unreadable. Walking to the door, he turned towards her.  
  
"Thank you" he said before his eyes clouded over and thoughts of Lionel slowly seeped back in.   
  
"Keep digging Chloe."  
  
Giving a short strained smile in reply she shut the door._


	2. Chapter 2

Now, sinking back into the bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping form beside her she thought about the weeks following the kiss. They both treated it as the aberration they believed it was. Chloe got more information on Morgan Edge to keep Lex happy but her heart wasn't in it anymore. Clark came round more often and she threw herself into him, into Lana, into just being 17. She was starting to forget the past few months and the crippling_ fear. _She was beginning to enjoy the last few weeks of the summer when yesterday happened.

She had spent the morning in the Talon with Clark and Lana, going over what she was going to do for her dad's birthday. Her and Lana had quickly allied together and started teasing Clark about something, she couldn't quite remember what. Something silly and meaningless. Something wonderfully _teenage._ Leaving them to their coupledom she walked straight into Lex on her way out. The sudden physical contact made them both start. She looked up at him and smiled awkwardly at the ridiculousness of the situation. She apologised with her eyes and he caught her arm briefly on her way past, his form of a wordless apology. She knew that he had been on a couple of dates, brunettes of course. It didn't affect her as much as she thought it might. Some part of her was relieved that things had semi got back to the way they were. 

Chloe rolled over in her bed and came face to face with Lex. He looked at her like a lover would. Closing her eyes against the image she rolled back, tears collecting in her eyes but keeping her hand interlocked with his. Images came to her unbidden. Them on the stairs, against the wall, against the door and finally on the bed. She was getting ahead of herself. She wasn't crying for herself. She was crying for him. For what he was and what he would become.

_She had been dozing off on the sofa, taking advantage of the holiday for an afternoon siesta when she had been woken by the phone. Sleepily reaching over she had answered;_

_"Chloe, it's me. My father has escaped. Listen carefully. I want you to call __Clark__, get him to come to you and stay with him. I can't think where would be safest. He can decide."_

_She was overpowered by otherworldly calm.  She realised that she had been preparing, **waiting** for this day since he was sentenced, "He'll come for my father. He's at work, please get to him." _

_"It's covered. Remember **stay** with __Clark__. I'll call you when I have more news." Lex said before hanging up._

_She quickly dialled __Clark__'s number and he hurriedly told her that Lex had just spoken to him and he was on his way and to please stay put._

_Closing her cell she got up and walked to the far end of the room. So this was it. This was what she had been waiting for and she was a little bit relieved. At the end of this, it would be over in one way or another. _

Gently extracting her hand from Lex's she rose out of her bed and made her way to the bathroom. Softly closing the door she sat on the toilet seat and ran her fingers through her hair. Leaning back she closed her eyes and let the tears flow more freely. 

_They hid out at the Kent Farm. __Clark__ figured on home turf advantage. She hadn't really cared, Lionel would find her whatever._

_ Nothing much had happened for a couple of hours. By a strange luck Martha and Jonathan were out of town. This was so bizarre that Chloe chose to take it as a sign. A sign of what she didn't want to consider._

_Sitting with __Clark__ in the barn she realised that there was no place she would rather be. He was her best friend and things like that don't change. More than shared interests, the history of a friendship was the most important thing she believed. When you have known each other for so long it surpasses everything else and the level of comfort you feel in the others company is like family. Her cell rang again;_

_"It's me. Come to the plant. There are some agents here that should be able to give us some amount of protection. A couple of them have taken your father to Metropolis for safe keeping."_

_"It's Lex" she said to __Clark__, "He wants us to come to the plant." _

_"I'll be there" she said to Lex before hanging up and following __Clark__ out to the truck._

_On the drive over she babbled. She was nervous but whereas before it had made her monosyllabic, it was starting to make her hyper. She felt more normal than she had done in a while. Arriving at the plant, she saw Clark making a quick scan of the place, she didn't know what he was doing since it was pitch black but then again with Clark, the impossible seems possible._

_Suddenly, she heard a noise and someone grabbed __Clark__. She whipped her head round to see a balaclavered man holding a block of meteor rock to __Clark__'s chest. She had never seen __Clark__ look in so much pain. He dropped to the floor and that was when she saw the other person step out of the shadows. No balaclava for him. He was out and proud. Seeing Lionel Luthor standing there she turned and ran. Without thinking. For Clark or anyone else. The only thought going through her mind was self-preservation. _

This would always make her ashamed. Chloe got up and sat down on the side of the bath. Running and leaving Clark there on the floor. Although a part of her knew he would be fine. This was **Clark** after all. Yet, she had expected more from herself and was dismayed to discover that she was afflicted with the same animal instincts as others. 

_She ran without grace. Hurtling from one spot to another. She spotted an open door and scrambled inside. Her heartbeat was drowning out her thoughts and she couldn't think coherently. She jogged towards the end of the hall and heard the door open again. Looking back she saw Lionel standing there, in black, looking very calm. A mockery of her panic. She started to run again and then heard a shot. _

_Things moved in slow motion. She turned and saw Lionel pointing a gun at her. Another shot. "Jesus Christ" she shouted and continued running. It was dark and there was some distance between them otherwise she was sure that she would be dead by now._

_She was in a long corridor now. Her legs were becoming tired and Lionel was getting closer. She stumbled and fell and knew this was the end. Another shot. In that split second Chloe braced herself for death. Instead she looked up and saw Lex standing at the end of the corridor, gun in hand pointing at the other end. She felt disorientated. With difficulty she turned herself around; she had landed awkwardly, and saw Lionel slumped on the floor. Looking back at Lex she saw that his eyes had gone dead. She resisted the urge to scream. Hauling herself up she walked over to him. _

_"He was shooting at me, you had no option." She said. He looked at her blankly. They both jumped when they heard movement coming from the other end of the corridor. She looked over to see Lionel twitching and reaching. She took the gun from Lex, walked over to his father and shot him. _

Chloe got up and looked at herself in the mirror. She knew Lex must be wondering where she was. What she was thinking. Something had happened tonight. After the initial shock, Lex had pulled himself together admirably for the authorities. A little too admirably. With a practised ease that shocked and frightened her. 

_Her shooting Lionel shocked Lex out of the stupor he was in. She walked up to him, looking him in the eyes, her vision blurred by tears. _

_"Lex, you injured him. I was the one that killed him. You realise that don't you? You did not kill your father." It was so important that he understood this. She knew, above everything that he must understand this if there was to be any hope for him. "I'll tell the cops that you came, dropped the gun, I then took it and fired twice. They knew he was after me, they'll accept it from me."_

_"What are you doing Chloe?" Lex asked "I can't let you do this"_

_"You have no choice." At his look she continued, "Please Lex. I'll be fine. Maybe not right away but I'll be fine." But you, I'm scared for you, she left unsaid. _

_Then there was no time and agents were all around them. They whisked Chloe off and that was that. _

She still didn't understand her actions. Of course she understood them but she couldn't recognise herself in them. All she knew was that Lex being the only one to fire that gun at Lionel would have been catastrophic. Every fear that he had about himself and his future would have come to pass with that action. By administering the fatal shot, she had deflected some of that onto herself. 

_After the sheriff dropped her off she walked into the bathroom and vomited._

_Unfortunately that only got rid of the chocolate bar and coffee and not the god awful pain and mind numbing torture in her head. Ah, sense of humour, you're still there my friend. _

_Looking at her face in the mirror she looked the same. She looked **exactly** the same. There should be some sort of visible change. She had just killed someone. She started to panic. Why was she the same? Normal Chloe would not have done what she had just done. Pulling her hair she felt her breathing constrict. She could feel a dull ache form in her head. A headache of uncried tears she thought. When you want to cry and its **just **there but it won't come out. _

_But suddenly it came. Great racking heaving sobs. She doubled over with the force of them. She didn't know what was happening to her. She had never cried like this before. Her mind was blank but her body was filling in the spaces. "Oh my God" she whispered, not really knowing why, it had come out instinctively. She was working purely on instinct and it was scaring her. She wasn't feeling better after a "good cry" she was scaring herself. _

_She heard the doorbell and she quickly straightened and composed herself. Walking with great effort down the stairs she opened the door and saw Lex standing there dishevelled and lost. They must have stood there for about 5 minutes, merely looking. She let him in and he brought her to him for an embrace. Basic human contact. _

_The horror, desperation and exhilaration of the last few hours slowly made way for the repressed latent attraction of the last few months. They kissed. Long languorous kisses where they leaned into each other, fitting each other like a puzzle, their bodies shaped like a question mark. He pushed her onto the stairs. _

When Chloe thought about this now, she thought of how passionately lazy the whole experience had been. Things were happening quickly but in slow motion. Making their way up the stairs he had pushed her into the banister and they had started again. She remembered how it surpassed everything she had predicted. It was that irreplaceable feeling of doing something that you're not sure you'll ever do again so that every movement and touch is infused with an urgency that cannot be replicated. Almost like an affair she thought. Again, a stop against the door, before Lex almost dragged her in his arms to the bed. 

Walking back into the bedroom she saw Lex slightly leaning up in bed. She smiled softly, her eyes saying things her mouth could not. Lex had put on the radio and there was a jazz playing.

"They're playing our genre" she joked. Lex raised an eyebrow and smiled back. They were quiet again.

"I've wanted last night for quite some time" Lex said. "I'm sorry it had to be like that."

"Well, at least it was memorable. I've heard a lot of first times are two second jobs." Her heart wasn't in it and he could tell. She wondered whether they'd ever be able to banter again. They were bound by tragedy and neither could see the other without remembering what brought them here. Going to him they kissed softly, urgently.

She wanted to be near him always. She wanted to be far far away. She knew which one would win out. 

The mournful voice from the radio sang out, mocking them with its directness, its truth, its appropriateness. Kissing Lex, she drew back in time to hear the awful refrain;

**"I see the passing of the years in your eyes. And when we part there'll be no tears, no goodbyes."**


End file.
